“A grateful heart is a beginning of greatness. It is an expression of humility. It is a foundation for the development of such virtues as prayer, faith, courage, contentment, happiness, love, and well-being.” -James E. Faust

Mental Health is not about the absence or reduction of depression and anxiety. It’s not defined by never having a bad day or ever feeling angry and getting upset. It’s simply about believing in our ability to meet life’s inevitable challenges. With a sense of well-being, we can hold our anxiety and disappointment against the backdrop of life’s goodness instead of launching into inconsolable states of fear, frustration or heartache.
And when we understand that our problems are a moment in time and not the whole of our life, we can remain engaged in our lives while remaining balanced, even when the seas get rough.

The question is, how do we achieve or even maintain well being when we are often stuck and emotionally depleted by thoughts of our past offenses or distracted by the fears and doubts of our future? The answer is, emotional prosperity. I regard emotional prosperity as our ability to identify, absorb and integrate pleasant moments. When you intentionally and consistently take in good moments it builds up pleasant or positive experiences in your emotional bank account. Then when faced with difficult emotions you have inner resources to draw from that help shift you from a negative state into a more positive state. It’s not that you are suppressing or dismissing your feelings it’s that you are holding the difficult feelings in the context of a more loving and safe place within you. You now have the keys to your own happiness!

For example, abundance of anything is created by gradually and consistently doing something over a period of time. So if someone wants to create an abundant savings account they need to make consistent deposits of money into the account and overtime financial abundance is created. If someone wants to improve their physical health they don’t eat one piece of fruit or vegetable and viola’ they are healthy. It takes a steady diet of eating clean, fresh fruits and vegetables and then, over time health and vitality occur in the body. The same theory applies for mental well being. We need a steady diet of having and noticing positive pleasurable experiences to develop the inner resources needed to prevent us from getting caught up in negative emotions.

To achieve emotional prosperity you’ll need to deposit emotional currency like: confidence, compassion, courage, creativity, connectedness, curiosity, passion, peace, beauty and gratitude into your emotional savings account. These deposits are made by noticing and taking in the good around you no matter how small or big. Author Rick Hanson PhD, developed H.E.A.L, a systematic technique, that when used can help shift your focus from the negative to being able to notice and take in the good around you. Have: Notice when some kind of positive emotional experience is occurring. Enrich: Think about that positive moment a little bit and appreciate it. For example, if somebody is kind to you enjoy it and then acknowledge other moments of kindness in your life. Absorb: Spend time focusing and really savoring the pleasant experience. Link: When you are having the pleasurable experience bring to mind something, which has been difficult for you, and notice that problem against the backdrop of the current positive experience.

Overtime, with practice, these 4 steps become second nature and only take a moment to accomplish. This process can exponentially increase your emotional prosperity allowing you to face life with a more joyful and loving heart.

Originally published in January 2015 in the Romeo Observer. 

February 2015 by Eva Mondor

 

“If you don’t transform your suffering you will transmit it”
-Richard Rohr

Why are we so scared to change, to start, to assert, to decide, to explore or try something new? Why do we contemplate all of the details of what may go wrong before imagining all the awesome possibilities? Is it because we fear failing? or is it because we fear being wrong in the eyes of another person? Either way we often approach life expecting to be judged or betrayed and regrettably we hide our precious innocence from one another.

We all carry seeds of greatness within our innate innocence, they are gifts to be shared, but instead of embracing and living out our dreams we resist and safely pack them away deep inside. We sink into spaces of self-doubt and devalue any idea, dream or desire that we have budding inside of us. And out of a sense of shame we withdraw instead of taking a chance to stand in our own glory and live from the yearnings of our heart. In truth, you will risk more “playing it safe” staying right where you are instead of stepping out and setting your sights ahead.

We all come into this life with a “knowing” or a “yearning “ for life’s adventure. As an infant we do not intellectually know how to grow. It is through our innate longing to experience life that we learn to explore and expand. But as we age we loose this innocent wonder as we get caught up in our struggles, superficialities, offenses and insecurities. For that reason, many of us loose touch with our desire for something more only to settle for where we are or where someone else wants us to be. But if you courageously reach within, you will discover that there is always something inside of you that “knows” and it will nudge and patiently guide you towards your truth and goodness. As songwriter Paul Williams said “ I don’t know how to do this but something inside of me does”

When you allow yourself to change, through an experience, it’s like living the birth and death cycle. In order to birth into a new version of your life you must let go of the present construct and allow the experience to reshape a part of your life. As Joseph Campbell once said “We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” Your true self expands through all of your life experiences. Often the ones, where you are thrust involuntarily into a change, will provide the greatest opportunity for you to live from a more expanded version of yourself. Which is the authentic version you were meant to be, instead of the false version that you have created or allowed others to create for you.

People will project onto to you all kinds of things that are not necessarily true. They will either think that you are more than you are or less than you are. But when you give yourself the permission to be seen in the world independent of the appraisal and validation you give yourself the chance to experience life in the most authentic and fulfilling way, you live in union with the desires of your heart instead of in alignment with your fears and judgments.

Ask yourself “who am apart from my roles, my success, my physical beauty, my thoughts, my desires or longings?” Then reassure yourself “I am an ordinary imperfect human and have been given extraordinary gifts to discover and use.” Most importantly, be humble in your pursuits, loving in your efforts, don’t take yourself so seriously or life so personally, lighten up and above all get better at failing and being wrong because life is all about exploring, experimenting and giving it your best.

Procrastination – by Eva Mondor

“If you have goals and procrastination you have nothing.  If you have goals and you take action, you will have anything you want.” -Thomas J. Vilord-

Do you tend to be a “tomorrow person” instead of a “today person?”  Do you know what you need or want to do but get stuck in one place “spinning your wheels” in the excuses of why tomorrow will be better?  We are all prone to these moments when we hesitate or delay action.  In fact, inactivity can actually be productive if used effectively to inspire creativity, ponder subsequent steps to a decision or prevent the escalation of an argument.  Nevertheless, there comes a point when delaying interferes with your innate ability to create and direct your life.

Procrastination is a habit where we postpone or avoid undesirable tasks or even eagerly anticipated opportunities. In fact we oftentimes put more energy in finding creative ways to delay something than in taking action.  We may ignore a task hoping it will go away, underestimate the work involved in a desired goal, overestimate our ability to complete a job, or we may focus on less important things first.   In any case, unnecessary postponement will only lead to or add to feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, guilt, depression or anxiety.

Consider for a moment all of the things you are planning.  Maybe it’s getting your finances in order, finding a new job, ending a bad relationship, reconciling with someone, eating better, exercising or getting organized.  Whatever it is, if you keep putting off significant decisions and important tasks you will certainly miss meaningful opportunities in your life and the only thing you will regret are the things you never did.  “Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence.  Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear.  Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow.  But any action is better than no action at all.” Sir Norman Vincent Peale

Rather than avoiding or putting off the steps to your dreams by pondering all of the “what if’s,” fearlessly take a step. In Stephen Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” the author refers to the opposite of procrastination as prioritization.  So with strength and fortitude practice the feeling of starting instead of avoiding something. Set reasonable expectations for yourself.  Maybe start with one phone call, organize one drawer, or take a short walk.  Avoid perfectionism and strict expectations this will only sabotage your progress.  Therefore expect to be challenged and do not get derailed by discouragement only assume success. Most of all remember that complacency and non-discipline will not get you what you want.  When you live on the sidelines watching your life pass by you will only convince yourself that it is safer to live in your “comfort zone” than to take a chance at your destiny.

Everything that exists in form from airplanes, to cars to medical cures was once only an imagined idea and became actualized through action, intention and commitment.

Stop waiting for just the right time when all of the conditions are perfect to take that first step or imagining how uncomfortable or hard it will be to change.  Believe in your abilities, get focused on the possibilities and let go of your fears.  This is how your dreams can begin. Any action towards a desired goal is better than doing nothing at all so don’t delay start today!